honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
