I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My pussy is not your playground.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize