A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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