The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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