i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
