I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
