Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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