Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
farters have to be the big spoon...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
