My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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