then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
