all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
