You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
