Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
