I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
