He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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