you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
