office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
