My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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