OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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