D3 body, D1 cock
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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