He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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