I need help removing her.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize