two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
