I just threw up on my dentist
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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