I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
