dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
