I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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