you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
