My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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