$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
