that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
