he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
