Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
