I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
