chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize