barbara walters just said penis...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
