i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
