You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
