Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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