At least make sure they are 18
Why
is wine microwaveable?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
