would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I bet he comes in French.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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