I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize