Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
