Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
