He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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