upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
