Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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