We won't sleep together?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
