so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
