I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
