so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
