Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
