Apparently you make a good broom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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