They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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