I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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