alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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