did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
