did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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