You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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