I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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