my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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