I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
