I need help removing her.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
