Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
