my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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