I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
