I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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