When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
