she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
