Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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