it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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