My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
