so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
