it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
